photo credit: places!

Transparency is a good thing because it allows light to shine through the darkest hidden places. Shenine

As the season draws to an end, and new beginnings chime in.  I want to share my heart on a deeper level with you. I realize while it is okay to share our blessings, and strengths, we must share our shortcomings and weaknesses too. I have been blogging for over a year, and I have not only seen my spiritual growth, but my shortcomings too.

This will be somewhat lengthy, as I pour out, so if you are a person of short stories perhaps, today you will develop patience.

As a child I had been through verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I lost my mother when I was 21, while just becoming a new mom. I was lost and realized that I had become determined to live better, and not treat others the way I was treated. I realized I was able to help everyone else, but neglected to take care of me.

Over a period of years I became the rescuer for everyone else. I would be to everyone’s beck and call. I was the listening ear, traveler, and problem solver. But since God embedded in my heart to blog, and give birth to Christian Comfort & Conversation Café. I have matured to share my TAGS (talents, abilities, gifts, and skills). But something greater happened. I was able to realize I caused most of my pain. Because I could not understand how hurt I was because I did not deal with it.  I helped others which masked my own hurts, and wounds even deeper.

I thought everyone else had issues, and problems that needed to change. Nothing was wrong with me, so Satan had me believe. So through this blog and my other blogs for God, I was able to see my God-given gifts, problems, and hurts. I was my problem. You see I had not truly forgiven. Yeah my mouth was asking God to forgive me, but my heart was still in the field of bitterness. So that’s why God led me to start  this blog. Be Better, Not Bitter.

I had to change me. I cannot change you, or the world. But I can make a difference by changing me. Maybe at some point I wanted to change you, and everyone who was not to my standards, or showed love my way. But am I trying to change you? Not anymore. I can’t try to figure out why your actions, or words are unloving to me, or others . Or why you do what you do.  I must be concerned with my words and my actions alone. From blogging, I get it.

We are all hurting, or been hurt at some point. But hurt, hurting hurt is a never-ending cycle without changing yourself, and only yourself. There was a time I wanted the person to feel the pain they had caused me. What does God say? Revenge is His. I know now that forgiveness is a gift that is available daily, at any given time.

God is growing inside me and expanding my heart for room to forgive and love without prejudice, and bitterness. Holding grudges allows others to live in your temple at your expense.  Through blogging each ,of you have been mere reflections of something I needed to change within me for the better. I cannot change you, or judge you because I’m not you !  Rather you are kind to me or not, a lesson is being taught or learned for/by me. I say thank you. They say it takes a village to raise a child.

Perhaps, just perhaps it took a world of sinners to bring me to God.

I say thank you with forgiveness, as I seek forgiveness if I have wounded, hurt, or offended you. We don’t need to air out our dirty laundry, but washed them in forgiveness, starting with SELF….and only SELF!  I love my transformation with God. He has elevated me to higher ground from which consumed me once before. God is not through with me yet! Thank God!

Shenine – A Woman After God’s Own Heart